don't expect much for good cheer and whatnot from me. this holiday that brings out the greediest in everyone is getting harder every year for me.

i have to admit that it's not just the retailers fighting for my dollars and the news telling us which gifts to steal from other folks' carts. it's being away from the friends who had become my family every holiday for the last seven years.

don't get me wrong. . .being around our "actual" families is priceless. the children are thriving in the love of their grandparents and cousins. the occasional snow is just a bonus. but unless you've created a new life far away from all family, you don't understand what it is to create a new family of your friends.

i don't know that anyone who moved far from home could have possibly been as fortunate as we were in our seven year adventure in southern california. the people who became integral parts of our lives are more precious to us that you could ever imagine. we became part of their families. these folks began inviting us into their homes just months after meeting them. not just their homes but the homes of their families. we know our friends' parents and brothers and nieces and cousins and we were welcomed by everyone. take your notions of snobby californians and place them elsewhere. i made friends whom i will love and care for and visit and treasure for the rest of my life.

so yes, i'm a bit melancholy this holiday. i feel out of place. no gingerbread houses are being built and decorated. no christmas eve with the andersens or pusateris. no herds of children playing upstairs huddled in the closet as their secret clubhouse.

i'll make some cookies with the kids soon. i've got the cards addressed and stamped (this hasn't happened in three years) and i'll be up late on wednesday night wrapping gifts. it will all fall together and it will be lovely, but for right now, i miss los angeles.